A birth mother never quits or gives up. Regardless of the decision. It is never final. We have placed a part of ourselves and that will never go away.”
— Lynea Krukiewicz, Birth Mother
To me placing is:
B eautiful
I ntense
R eal
T raumatic
H eart Felt
M oving
O verwhelming
T roubling
H opeful
E volving
R esiliant
Many words could be placed in these positions and as my experience has shown, will change as the moments of joy, pain and uncertainty do. In my years since placement I can attest that there will always be a new moment.
PLACEMENT LIVES WITHIN ME.
When I placed 25 years ago, I had a vision of what life would be like as commitments were made with the adoptive parents through open placement. I had no idea how these things would evolve and change through the years. Not only did the relationships change with the adoptive parents but as my daughter grew up and made choices, so did the interaction with her become a roller coaster of emotions.
As a birth mother with many experiences, I saw I could help so many other birth mothers with guidance, direction and moral support. And I too could learn much more in a community where we all can find a common link with those who both need to share and find help as we face the next step in this complicated situation.
Life is always changing and so are relationships. Placing created a birth mother and adoptive parents who must find ways to deal with everyday life and a child who is anything but predictable. Emotions will play a huge part moving forward. As a birth mother, I have found it is a delicate balance on how you help, when you help and if you help and just when you think you provided the right thing, you are completely wrong. I want to help birth mothers know it is never easy but we hope some reward and comfort can be won.
Placing has forever changed my life both good and bad.
Experiencing the ever changing situations with my daughter has brought me many hours of despair but it has also provided me with a great desire to help others. Life After Placement has become a dream and mission for me. Having spent years without support and understanding has been painful. I want to have a forum which can help other birth mothers see they do not have to life this alone and wear a scarlet letter in silence. We did the right thing for our child and we should be celebrated not forsaken.
I am a Birth Mother forever.
