Inspiration to me is not something that stays as a burning desire without a lot of challenges. My inspiration for Life-After-Placement was a result of years of struggle with emotional highs and lows. It grew as a result of finding a cause by living the nightmare. I have been told by many people that my story is negative, especially those in the adoption communities. My response is “no my story is not particularly negative it is reality which should be told”.
As I engaged with the adoption community I found that they wanted a bright and positive story. Mothers who had placed and provided an outlook that their choice was the best thing since the invention of the rock were paraded about. No one wanted to hear that there were many down sides to life for those of us who made a decision to place. I always made everyone aware that placement was my best choice but I found that just getting to a point in your life where this decision is required is not a great outcome. If a birth mother is in a situation where she is faced with placing then her life is complicated and she is generally in a bad place. How can you make that a positive thing?
I knew after my experiences in several organizations and being ostracized for my outgoing ways it might be time to think about how I could bring about an organization which focused on the birth mothers and what could be done to bring women together who shared my challenges and feelings. I was able to gather interest with some other birth mothers in the early stages and I thought we had a unified goal in mind. For various reasons this did not turn out to be for the good of all. It was painful but still inspired I decided this must go on. I knew I had a cause to believe in and that was my inspiration. It took a lot of time but it did happen.
Since that time I have donated hundreds of hours to Life-After-Placement along with a considerable amount of my own money. It is obvious that creating a non-profit organization is not for sissies. It also challenges me every day to stay the course. Inspiration is what keeps me going because I believe this is a good cause and it needs to keep moving forward. I thought doing the right thing should bring on cheers and applause and it does have its moments of deep satisfaction but it also brings out those who wish you failure and harm. For whatever reason some people hate the idea someone might be doing a good thing and it is not them so it needs to be torn down. I have spent a lot of hours crying over some of the hateful responses that are thrown at me but I do understand it is a part of the game.
I bring these things up because again inspiration is not something that goes without a lot of soul searching. I know what I’m doing is right and helping others is ingrained within me. My inspiration keeps me focused and motivated through all of the noise which surrounds me. Those of you who find real inspiration will know what I mean. It is deeply inside of you once you find it but it will be challenged constantly by others. You must be in touch with a higher power who can help you when the worst is coming at you. Make a vow to never give up and find people who believe in you and will help you get through it all.